Real Talk, Real Trust: Communication Lessons from Shari Harley
Heyyy, BCBA Ruby here 👋
I just cracked open a new book that I have to talk about with you all — How to Say Anything to Anyone by Shari Harley. Let me tell you, I’m only on chapter one, and it’s already gold for anyone working in a people-first field like ABA. Whether you're managing a team, supervising students, or collaborating with therapists and families, the way we communicate can seriously make or break our work relationships.
Chapter one dives into a topic we don’t talk about enough: setting the tone early in professional relationships. Think about it — when was the last time you actually talked about how you like to work, how you prefer feedback, or what to expect communication-wise with a new coworker or supervisee?
Shari emphasizes that strong business relationships aren’t built on hope or assumption — they’re built on clear expectations and upfront conversations.
Here are a few gems I pulled from this chapter and how I’m thinking about them through the ABA lens:
🔑 Start Every Relationship With a Conversation
In ABA, we’re big on reinforcement, pairing, and building rapport. But what if we applied those same principles to our professional relationships too? Instead of just hoping someone "gets" how we operate, why not kick off every working relationship with a quick convo about:
How we like to receive feedback
What frustrates us or causes stress
How we like to celebrate wins
Our communication styles (Texts? Emails? In-person?)
Shari calls this the foundation of trust — and I love that. It’s proactive, and it saves everyone from that awkward “I wish you had told me earlier” moment down the road.
💬 Example: Meeting a New RBT or Team Member
Let’s say I’m onboarding a new RBT. Before we even dive into programs or session logistics, I could say:
“Hey, I just wanted to share a few things that help me work best with others. I really appreciate people who communicate directly but kindly, and I like check-ins at the end of the week. I’ll always give feedback to support your growth, and I’d love to know how you like to learn too!”
Boom. Simple. Clear. Human.
🤝 Direct Reports & Supervisors — It Goes Both Ways
One thing I really appreciated about this chapter is how it reminds us: it’s not just about what you need — it’s also about asking what they need. Whether it’s your clinic director, a supervisee collecting hours, or a speech therapist you co-treat with, starting the relationship with curiosity builds psychological safety — and that’s where the magic happens.
So that’s your little nugget from chapter one 🍫 If you’re in a leadership role, or even just someone who wants smoother, clearer communication (hello, all of us ), this book is already delivering. I’ll be reading more and will keep sharing what sticks with me — especially if it can help our ABA community grow stronger and communicate better.
Have you read this book yet? What’s something you wish more people told you upfront when you started working together?
Til next time, Ruby 💬
